The news shook the chairman of OSPEC to his very core. A secret meeting was called, convened in a secret bunker, at a secret location in the Swiss Alps.
It was in a sterile conference room below ground, with walls painted battleship gray. There were no windows, and no artwork. The only thing hanging was a small sign that read, Organization of Smartphone Exporting Companies.
Sitting around the table were a handful of executives, all looking down, pecking at, and reading their phones. They ringed the table, in order, based on last quarter’s sales and market share numbers. The Samsung and Apple guys were opposite each other, flanking the empty chair at the head of the table. The other executives were seated next to them, representatives from Huawei, Oppo, Vivo, Xiaomi, LG, Lenovo, and ZTE.
At the back of the room another dozen executives stood in a cluster, representatives of the various smaller phone makers. A deafening siren shattered the quiet, and the men looked up from their phones.
“Defcon ten,” someone said, in a hushed tone.
“It’s never been activated before,” someone else said.
“I guess this is serious,” another said.
The door swung open and a skinny, bald man in a gray suit entered. He slammed the door behind him, then locked it. The chairman of OSPEC, Professor Frequent Upgrade had arrived. He carried a large shopping bag, and took his place at the head of the table, putting the bag on the floor. He took his phone from his jacket pocket, and entered a code. The siren stopped.
The professor reached in the bag, removed a small wicker basket and slid it to the center of the table. The attendees stared at it, unsure what to do.
“He wants a collection,” one whispered.
“It must be for one of the little Chinese phone guys. I hear a couple of them are struggling.”
Professor Upgrade slapped the table, and said, “Phones, everyone. In the basket. Now.”
An attendee at the far end rose, and placed his smartphone in the basket. One by one the others did, all except the man to the chairman’s right.
“You too, Apple boy. I know it’s hard,” he said to the man.
The Apple executive shook his head, sighed and placed his phone in the basket with the others. With that, Professor Upgrade brought the meeting to order.
“People,” he said, “We are faced with a dire, dire, situation. One requiring our full, full attention.”
“Okay, okay,” an executive at the far end of the table said. The remark drew chuckles, and a few snickers.
Professor Upgrade slapped the table again. “Silence,” he bellowed. “This is serious. Do you understand me?”
The attendees took him literally, and no one answered.
“Okay, the silence ban is lifted, but just for moment,” Upgrade said.
“Why so tense?” the Samsung executive asked.
“Tense?” Upgrade said. “You want to know why I’m tense?”
He reached into his bag and took out a ripped out page of a magazine. On it was a color picture of Warren Buffett. He held the page up for the attendees to see.
“Let’s see,” he said. “Hmmm, did anyone even notice when this man was in the news recently? Or, do we not follow the news these days?”
“We don’t follow the news, we make news,” the Apple executive chimed in.
“Yeah, we’re the smartphone cartel,” Samsung said.
“We’re way more powerful than the media,” one of the little guys standing at the other end of the room said.
Upgrade shook the page and said, “This is a threat, you idiots.”
“Magazines? Please,” a bit player in the back shouted.
“No, morons,” Upgrade yelled. “Warren Buffett. He’s the threat.”
There room was silent for a moment before the Lenovo executive said. “Uh, we’re trying to work with you here, Professor.”
Upgrade placed the page on the table, looked around the room and said, “There has been yet another story mentioning how this famous man doesn’t use, or own, a smartphone.”
“So what?” a voice from the group in the back asked.
“Yeah, he’s old,” another said.
“And he’s just one guy. Who cares?”
Upgrade’s little round head reddened, then grew crimson. “Imbeciles,” he said, losing the battle to contain his anger. “Haven’t you ever heard of The Butterfly Effect?”
“What’s a butterfly?” the LG executive asked.
“I think they’re in the outdoors,” someone offered.
“Where’s that?” someone else asked.
Upgrade sighed and shook his head. “I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this,” he said.
He reached into his bag and removed a large jar. The sight of it triggered chaos. There was screaming, and a mad scramble to escape. Some dove under the table. The group in the back panicked, and pushed one another, trying to shield themselves from the jar.
“Get it away,” someone yelled.
“Please, don’t let it bite me,” another executive yelled.
Professor Upgrade rose and held the jar away from his body. “Do I have your attention now?” he asked.
“Yes, yes,” they yelled.
“I thought so. Now we can talk about our shared threat,” he said.
(To be continued…)