“In preparation for your first counseling session,” Mahoney’s wife said, “Cheryl and I did an evaluation of your careers. It took all of ninety-seconds. And what was our conclusion, Cheryl?”
“They’re over,” Mills’ wife said, looking at him.
“You’ve topped out, both of you,” Jen Mahoney said.
Mills glanced across the table and saw Mahoney sputtering to speak. “Topped out? I don’t think I’ve top–”
“Hey,” his wife yelled. “If I say you topped out, you topped out. Understand?”
Mills looked at his wife who was glaring back at him, almost daring him to say something. He chose to keep quiet.
Across the table Mahoney slouched in his chair, drumming his fingers on the table. “I’d like to have some idea of what the heck it is you two are up to,” he said.
His wife turned to him and spoke like she was trying to communicate with a teenager. “Maybe I wasn’t clear, but you are to keep your mouth closed, except to eat, drink, or to answer a direct question.”
Cheryl turned and pointed a finger at her husband and said, “Same for you, buddy.”
Jen Mahoney smoothed out the sheet of paper she had taken out of her purse and looked at her husband. “What we have here are the reasons why you two are going to work together in this bar, tavern, or whatever it is you want to call it.”
“That’s right,” Cheryl said. “And you don’t have a choice.”
“And you will get along,” Jen said. “You will be successful, and you will honor the four-year commitment you each gave Reuben Hartman. See fellas, we have concluded that the two of you are incapable of realizing how desperate a situation you face. So we are going to shame you into recognizing it, and accepting it.”
“Yes, our intention is to make this as humiliating as possible,” Cheryl said.
Mahoney’s wife read from her sheet of paper. “Let’s start with the mortgage. A constant state of thirty days past due. Electric. Three turn off notices in the last nine months. Children taken out of Catholic school to save the tuition. Primary breadwinner’s salary, that would be Phil’s, hasn’t budged in six years and has now disappeared altogether.”
She turned to her husband and rapped her knuckles on his head. “Any of this alarm you, big guy?”
“We have our own little set of financial issues,” Cheryl said, turning to Mills. “Daughter’s spring semester grades at college not released due to outstanding tuition bill.”
Jen gasped and put a hand over her mouth. “I didn’t realize they could do that.”
“Oh, they can,” Cheryl said.
“The bastards,” Jen said. “Pardon my language.”
“We finally paid it in late July when they threatened to not let her register for the fall semester,” Cheryl said.
Mills cringed and dropped his head into his hands and rubbed his forehead. Cheryl smacked him and said, “Look up.”
He straightened up and his wife went on.
“Oldest son just started college. He’s attending what I believe is his seventh choice because we couldn’t afford choices one through six.”
“Are your utilities up to date?” Jen asked.
“At the moment, yes.”
“Thank goodness,” Jen Mahoney said. “I should point out that this is just the low-hanging fruit. We have plenty more. How about the cutting back, delaying, or eliminating of vacations, trips, new cars, clothes, etcetera? I can go on and on.”
“Can we speak now?” Mahoney asked.
“No,” Jen said. “Not until we ask you a direct question. Now, over the course of this dinner we will hammer home the message that the two of you have no choice but to go into business with each other. Hopefully it will sink in.”
“That’s right,” Cheryl said. “And we are going to enjoy this dinner.”
“And while you’re enjoying your meal just remember, your careers are dead,” Jen said.
“Buried,” Cheryl said.
There was a knock at the door and the waiter marched in with a helper. The appetizers and salads were laid out, and more drinks were ordered.
“Okay,” Jen said, as they began eating. “We are moving on to the Q and A part. This is where you have the chance to speak. We ask a question, and you answer it.” She looked at her husband and said, “This first one is for you, salad boy.”
Mahoney looked up from his bowl of greens. He looked haggard and defeated. Mills felt the same way, and thought this had to be how dogs felt after being neutered.
Jen Mahoney directed her question to her husband. “What direction has the circulation of newspapers gone in the last three years, up or down? There are only two choices so I thought this would be a nice easy one for you to start with.”
“Down,” Mahoney said.
“Ding,” his wife said. “Nicely done. Your turn, Cheryl.”
Cheryl turned to face Jerry and pulled a document from her bag. “Do you know what this is?”
His heart skipped a beat and he froze with a mouthful of baby spinach. Oh, crap, she found it. Why the hell did he leave it sitting on the desk in the home office?
“Yes,” he said. “I know what it is.”
“At least you’re honest,” Cheryl said. “Deceitful, but honest. This is Jerry’s performance review. Done on his anniversary in July.”
“Not good, huh?” Phil said.
All speaking and activity ceased. and the two women eyed Mahoney like he had unloaded an off-color joke. Then his wife backhanded him across the side of the head.
“Silence,” she said, before turning to Cheryl. “Go on dear. Hopefully, that won’t happen again.”
Good lord, Mills thought, the man was abused. Maybe that explained his behavior over the years.
Cheryl waved the paper. “I found this evaluation in some papers on Jerry’s desk.” She started flipping through it. “Let’s see, ability to work with other team members. He got a three. And that was one of his highest scores. Problem solving got a two.”
“Ouch,” Jen said.
“Oh, but wait, let me find the real gems,” Cheryl said.
She flipped to the last page and read. “Jerry has had trouble fitting in,” Cheryl said, reading from the evaluation. “It has been a difficult transition for Jerry, from not only IBM but from the world of New York City politics. While possessing immense talents, Jerry has been overly combative with direct managers and unable to compromise in certain situations.”
“Such corporate speak,” Jen said.
“It means he’s a stubborn ass,” Cheryl said.
Mills sank even lower in his seat and rested his forehead on the table. He could hear the clinking of silverware from across the table as Phil worked on his steak. It was like some surreal dinner theater.
Cheryl choked up and continued to read. “Jerry does not seem to embrace the core values of NIT, and we have determined that it would be in the best interest of both Jerry, and NIT, for him to pursue opportunities elsewhere.”
How did I not tell her I was being fired, he asked himself.
“Within seven days of signing this review Jerry will meet with Human Resources to discuss how best to separate from NIT. We wish Jerry much success in his future endeavors,” his wife read.
He felt something soft hit him in the head and he looked up. It was a dinner roll. He looked across at Mahoney.
“Hey,” Mahoney said, nodding toward Cheryl.
He looked at his wife and saw tears running down her cheeks.
“I didn’t want to upset you,” he said.
“You have,” she said. “I could care less about NIT and whether or not you work there, but you have to, I mean have to tell me when you’re going through something like this.”
“I know,” he said.
“What’s the situation now?” she asked. “Are you still even employed there?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, thank heavens. I mean, you leave the house every day. I started to wonder if you had a second wife or something. Like a shadow life that you go to,” she said.
“I have until the end of November. We had a meeting two weeks ago and they picked a day for the separation. The Friday after Thanksgiving.”
He picked up his drink and gulped what was left of it.
“So, you’re both sunk,” Jen said. “Phil, your career is over. No one is hiring a fifty-something columnist. And if they did, they would pay you what you were making when you were twenty-eight.”
“And let’s face it,” Cheryl said to Mills, “maybe there’s a job somewhere out there for you in communications, or maybe not.”
“Now can I ask a question of you two?” Mahoney said.
“Go ahead,” his wife said.
“What’s the percentage of bars, slash restaurants, that succeed?”
“I don’t know,” Jen said.
“I don’t either,” Phil said. “But I would be willing to bet that it’s probably in the single digits, maybe low double digits.”
The four of them sat there in silence for a moment before Jen Mahoney spoke.
“That may be true,” she said. “So you two will have to work extra hard to make sure yours is one of the successful ones.”