Wilson and I checked the address for the third time, then glanced at the house.
“Something doesn’t feel right,” he said, from the passenger seat. “It feels…”
“Creepy,” I said.
“Yes.”
“And it’s one in the afternoon. Imagine what this place looks like at night,” I said.
We had been parked in front of the residence for five minutes, both looking for a way out of the assignment. But we both knew that was hopeless. One of us was going to have to approach the front door and ring the bell.
My phone rang and I glanced at the number. “Uh oh,” I said.
I took the call and Roz’s voice filled the car.
“Are you guys there yet?” she asked. “We’re all on Zoom and waiting for the big surprise.”
“Can we check the address?” I asked, trying to buy time. “I’m not sure we have the right place.”
Roz sighed and a moment went by while she looked up the address for Brett, a colleague and nice enough guy pre-pandemic. I never had much interaction with him, and certainly never expected to have to pay the man a visit.
“Let’s see,” Roz said, “it’s Twenty-one Nineteen Bayberry Street. That’s where you are, I hope.”
“Yes, it is,” I said.
“Then get going,” she said. “What’s the delay?”
I looked at Wilson. He was terrified, as if he had seen a ghost.
“Someone’s looking out at us from the upstairs window,” he whispered. “I think it’s a spirit.”
“A spirit?” I asked.
“What?” Roz asked.
“Nothing,” I said. “We’re good. Wilson is just about to go hand Brett his plaque.”
Wilson looked at me and shook his head madly and mouthed the word “no” over and over.
“Well good. Get a move on,” Roz said, “You know these Employee Appreciation awards are a big deal for us. We need to let people know they’re valued and treasured during the pandemic, and nothing says that more than an in-person visit from someone in management.”
I wasn’t so sure about that. I always felt a fat bonus made me feel valued and treasured. But we were at the year mark in the pandemic, and after Zoom classes on everything from meditation to stretching to the proper way to yawn, Roz had come up with a new way to torture her reports: in-person visits from managers to present appreciation awards.
I muted Roz and gave Wilson a not so friendly shove in the shoulder. “Come on,” I said. “Roz is tap dancing with the team waiting for you to surprise everyone, especially Brett.”
I reached into the back and from a box on the floor took out a little plaque in the form of a star. I checked Brett’s name. It was spelled right. I checked the inscription on the little plate on the base.
Brett Oliver
You Are Valued and Treasured
It would leave no doubt in Brett’s mind that he was appreciated. Maybe. I fished around in the box for the $25 Starbucks gift card. That would help too.
I handed the star and the card to Wilson. “Come on, go get ‘em,” I said. “I’ll be right behind you beaming it to the group, and much closer to the car, you know just in case.”
Wilson was fixated on the upstairs window. “What if the ghost comes back?” he asked.
“I think we have a spare plaque in the box. No name on it but it does say the recipient is valued and treasured. I’m sure he, she or it will appreciate it.”
We got out of the car and I told Roz he was on his way. I called up the Zoom meeting on my phone and looked at all the semi-smiling faces of my colleagues. And there was Roz, going through business like a pro, asking Brett questions to keep him talking and unmuted while Wilson made the big presentation.
I followed Wilson up the walkway and flipped the camera shot so I could beam the big moment to the group. I was admiring my camerawork, keeping Wilson’s back in the frame while listening to Roz talk to the team.
“I want to share some exciting news with everyone. Today we’re launching House Calls. It’s a chance for the company to say thank you to our superstars,” she said. “With a personal visit from a manager.”
On cue Wilson hit the doorbell. His finger was still on it when a wild howling came from somewhere inside the house. I backed up a few steps as an animal of some sort threw itself against the inside of the door with a thud. Wilson turned and looked at me. Sweat poured from his forehead.
Roz went merrily along. “Our first award winner is Brett…”
The door opened and an ancient woman in a nightdress stood in front of Wilson struggling to hold the leash of an animal that was bucking and lunging toward him. She turned and yelled into the house.
“It’s a star salesman, Brett. Go get the gun.”
I could hear Brett through the Zoom link.
“No, no, mom, it’s okay. It’s work,” he yelled.
“Oh, it’ll work okay. The gun aways does.”
Wilson was shaking and moaning and shoved the star at the woman as the dog growled and lunged again.
“He’s forcing me to buy a star, Brett,” the woman yelled. “Would you get over here with the 12-gauge. It’s in the kitchen next to the fridge.”
Wilson had seen enough. He turned and dashed toward me as Roz continued reading her script and struggling to be heard over the animal.
“Brett, please accept this small token of our appreciation. Just a little something to let you know we value and-“
I kept the shot up with one hand while pushing Wilson back toward the door with the other hand.
“The star,” I said. “The star. Give her the star.”
In a panic Wilson turned and tossed it underhand to the woman. It landed on her foot.
“Owwww, Brett, he threw his star at me,” she yelled.
“Hang on mama, I’m coming,” Brett yelled from somewhere inside.
Wilson turned and with an amazingly quick first step was by me. I turned and raced to keep up with him, the dog howling behind me.
The woman was screaming about a gun. Roz, ever the trooper, was undeterred, continuing on while the group was treated to shots of my feet, the sky and various overgrown shrubs as we raced down the walkway.
“House Calls is a great way for our management team to get to know you up close and personal.”