Wilson was as relaxed as I had ever seen him after his big decision to join The Great Resignation. He had enjoyed Thanksgiving, and of course Black Friday, which despite its diminished status was still close to a major holiday for the man.
“Maybe there’s something I’m missing,” I said, as we finished lunch. “You don’t have a job, correct?”
“Correct,” he said.
“And you haven’t told me otherwise, but you don’t seem to have anything lined up at the moment.”
“Correct again,” Wilson said, nibbling on a piece of celery. “I mean, I’ve had offers but nothing that really interests me. I need a new challenge. Something that really clicks for me.”
“And this search for a new challenge, for something that clicks, how long will that last?” I asked.
Wilson polished off his iced tea and nodded, “That’s a good question. Right now I’m just taking it one day at a time.” His voice was light without a trace of stress. It was apparent the man was enjoying his time away from the American workforce.
We finished lunch and I made my way back to the office thinking maybe Wilson was on to something. He was seemingly having a great time being out of work. I, on the other hand, was not having a great time. I was increasingly tasked with having to follow up on some of Wilson’s unfinished projects.
I had barely sat down in my office when Roz walked in with news that the list of those projects was about to grow longer.
“These are a few more of the things Wilson was working on,” she said, handing me a sheet of paper as she sat down. “I know you have lot on your plate, but it’s just temporary until we can find someone for his role There’s just no one else here who can handle these things at the moment. We’re so short-staffed.”
I scanned the list and was astounded to see Wilson had been involved in more projects than I realized. I was about to ask Roz if maybe she could accelerate the search process when she spoke.
“Okay, so there’s something else going on around here that needs to be discussed,” she said. “We were informed this morning that there’s a move underway to form a union. Do you know anything about this?”
Oh no, was my first thought. There was no way Ashley, Mike and Stephens had taken the union thing a step farther. Those three would have trouble organizing a trip to the supermarket, let alone a labor union.
But Roz was staring at me like I knew something, which I did. I stammered and tried to come up with a semi-coherent and mostly truthful answer. I failed to deliver on either.
“No. Yes. No. No yes no,” I said. “I mean no, but not no. Know what I mean?”
Roz shook her head and said, “Not in the least.”
“I mean, I’ve heard of attempts at unionizing all over the place,” I said with a chuckle. “Hah, crazy, right? Amazon, Starbucks, seems everyone wants a union.”
“Well, I can’t believe it’s happening here,” Roz said. “We need to do some digging to find out where this all started.”
It occurred to me that now was not the best time to mention it originated right here in this office. My next thought was to hunt down those three and put an end to this before they came up with a list of demands or something equally absurd.
Roz opened her folder and took out another sheet of paper, “Here’s a list of their demands,” she said, sliding it across the desk.
“Demands?” I yelled. “Already?”
“Yes, apparently this is a very powerful and fast moving union.”
“Teamsters?” I asked, wondering if the trio of nincompoops had actually aligned themselves with a legitimate union.
“No,” Roz said, shaking her head and studying her notes. “Something called the International Brotherhood of the Unrecognized and Marginalized.”
“What?” I asked, thinking there was no way Roz was falling for this.
“They go by I-Bum,” she said. “Their motto is: Fighting For Marginalized Workers Everywhere.”
I was deciding on how to break the news to Roz that maybe we shouldn’t take this all that seriously when Andy the Suck-Up raced into the office. He was breathless and pulling his, “I’m working on something very important” routine.
“Okay, no trace of I-Bum anywhere online. I mean anywhere,” he said, sitting down next to Roz. “I think they’re one of these powerful, stealth labor movements. They kind of just appear, force management into accepting them and then move on. It’s very symbolic of the contemporary labor movement and empowering the rank and file.”
“No, no, it’s not symbolic of anything,” I said, shaking my head. “It’s really just a bunch of–“
I was interrupted by Andy’s phone. He looked at the number and said, “Oh, good, it’s the Big Guy. I asked his office to get a hold of him, pronto.”
“You got the CEO involved?” I asked, dumbfounded.
Before anyone could respond the Big Guy’s big voice boomed through Andy’s phone.
“This better be important. Do you know where I am? I’m thirty-thousand feet up on my way back from a fishing trip in Costa Rica. You better have a good reason for interrupting my personal trip on a company jet.”
“We have a big problem, sir,” Roz said. “Some employees are trying to form a union.”
“What?” he screamed. “Tell me who’s behind this. Now. They’ll wish they never stepped foot in our offices.”
I sank in my seat and tried to control my breathing. That was to stave off the fierce bout of hyperventilation that had my heart pounding.
“They have demands, sir,” Roz said. “They want bike lanes in the hallways. I-Bum says it’s dedicated to building green corporations geared toward wellness, heath, balance and quote, all that other good stuff.”
This would be Ashley’s contribution, I thought.
“And they want eighteen years of paid family leave,” Roz added.
That was probably Big Mike, I thought.
There was a loud gurgling sound emanating from Andy’s phone and our CEO.
“Arrrrggggghhhhhh”
It may have been raw anger, gas, or possibly turbulence. Maybe a combination of the three.
“Eighteen years?” the Big Guy screamed. “What the hell is this, Europe?”
“They say that would allow parents to raise their child to college age before returning to the workplace,” Roz said. “They also want free beer. They say that was commonplace in Colonial times.”
“So was scurvy,” the Big Guy yelled.
There were questions about I-Bum and their agenda, and everyone was in agreement that the effort at unionizing needed to be stopped and stopped now. The Big Guy was adamant that a meeting be set up with a management representative and the union leader.
“Get this done now. Like before I land,” he yelled from somewhere high in the sky.
“We will,” Roz said. “As soon as I find someone to negotiate with them.”
Andy and I looked at Roz, waiting for her to point to one of us. But before she could say anything a voice boomed through Andy’s phone.
“Get that guy Wilson on it, now. He’d know what to do,” the Big Guy said.
To be continued…