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Category: Fiction/Satire

Purchase Denied

From the vault. This post originally appeared Nov. 9, 2018.

The first sign of trouble was when I clicked on the little “buy” button to purchase a pair of pants. One of those shadowy boxes popped up, the kind that bothers you to sign up for something, or subscribe to a website. Only this one wasn’t asking me to sign up for anything. This one had a message.

Dog School

“It’s here. It’s here,” Terri said, from the living room. “I just got the email.” 

A moment later she was in the home office, carrying her laptop and wearing a smile. She sat down on the couch and pecked away at the keyboard.

“I’m so excited,” she said. “I can hardly wait.”

“Me too,” I said. “What is it I’m excited about?”

“Butch’s college admission application.”

“Butch is a—“

The Walk and Talk, Part 2

I put aside my worry over what Lars might do to retaliate. Right now I had to make the most of my time with Stevens. The pack was especially contentious today, with lots of jockeying. I knew my prized position at the front could change any second.

“What I’m looking at with the Amalgamated deal is much more favorable terms,” I said. “And, I think I may be able to partner with Netflix. I have a friend over there who’s interested.”

The Walk, Talk and Fight

The jockeying began as soon as we piled into the elevator to head to the lobby. There were nine of us, counting the boss, Stevens. He was big on walking meetings. Said it allowed everyone to get outside, think sharper, and get more done.

I wasn’t sure about any of that. I personally liked the old meetings, where we sat on our asses and fought to stay awake. Now everything was all about wellness, health, and moving.

Auto Stalker Mode

It was a glorious Saturday morning, a perfect one to get outdoors and go for a run. Wilson was game to join me. The plan was to meet a few blocks over, closer to his place. I set out in an easy jog, just enough to get the muscles warm and loose.

I went a block, then two, on a nice little stretch. I took a right and hit another straightaway and saw Wilson up ahead, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, ready to go. 

Big Browser Is Watching

My muscles were aching, and my heart was pumping as I hit the locker room. I sat down on the bench in front of the lockers and had a drink of water. I was feeling pretty good, satisfied. All in all, not a bad workout.

“Took it kind of easy on the crunches and the ab machine, chubby,” a voice said.